o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
