Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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