Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
