I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
