Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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