How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
