You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
