My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
