Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
