do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
