you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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