well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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