The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
