So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
