you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
