she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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