Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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