i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
