You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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