No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
God I need to hump something, right now.
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