Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
