Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
