you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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