I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
