Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
