You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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