1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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