Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She even gives head with a lisp.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
