Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
