I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
