my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
