sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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