new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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