I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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