this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
