So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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