I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Found the puke drawer
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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