So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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