Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
