When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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