can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
