a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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