he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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