the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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