Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
