He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
