Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
