I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
These tits shall not be calmed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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