i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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