We're like a lot better than the average bears
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
