I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
