she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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