got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
