last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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