My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
