You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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