its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
