yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
