well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
