ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
