Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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