I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
