im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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