i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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