If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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