we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
