Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
