do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
