You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
