They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
