The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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