I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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