just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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